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Borowitz writes: "The alert will inform Ryan of the precise moment 'that I can bail on President Trump at no political cost to me,' he explained."

Paul Ryan. (photo: Bill Clark/Getty)
Paul Ryan. (photo: Bill Clark/Getty)


Paul Ryan Sets Google News Alert for the Moment When Trump Becomes Unpopular Enough to Betray

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

18 May 17

 

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."

ouse Speaker Paul Ryan has set a Google News alert to notify him of the instant that Donald Trump becomes unpopular enough to turn against, Ryan revealed on Thursday.

The news alert, which Ryan said was set to the phrase “Trump approval rating falls below fifty per cent among Republican voters,” will inform the House Speaker of the precise moment “that I can bail on President Trump at no political cost to me,” Ryan explained.

“There’s this sense out there in the media that Washington is consumed by drama and nothing is getting done,” Ryan told reporters. “I think it’s important for people to know that important things are, in fact, getting done, and setting this Google News alert is one of those things.”

Asked by a reporter when he anticipated turning on Trump, Ryan dismissed that as a hypothetical question, adding, “There is no timetable for my inevitable betrayal of him. Once I receive that Google News alert, it will most likely happen a split second after that.”

Ryan ended his press conference by reassuring the American people that he is hard at work for them. “I am checking my phone every ten—and sometimes every five—minutes,” he said.

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+34 # Pikewich 2017-05-18 16:05
This is too accurate to be satire.
 
 
+6 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2017-05-18 16:50
This is good. I still think Ryan has plans to run for president himself someday. He'll abandon anyone who can't help him. He's walking a tight rope right now.

But in reality, Trump's popularity numbers are going up and the democratic party's numbers are going down. People hate the attack dog practices of any party that has no message other than "the other side is worse than Hitler."

The Democrats are squandering the golden opportunity they had for 2018. People want candidates who will break with the neo-lib and neo-con status quo. Trump seemed to do that. The demos will lose if they have no new message.
 
 
+1 # mh1224jst 2017-05-20 08:39
The Democrats must recognize economic reality, and get away from the voodoo Reaganomics that supports wealth, including their own billionaires. People need to know: The top 1% gained about $27 trillion under Reaganomics, and tax "reform" is not more of the same, but higher taxes on top incomes and wealth. See my recent posts at Daily Kos. Here is the last: http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/5/18/1662670/-Inequality-Taxation-and-the-National-Debt?_=2017-05-19T19:25:19.794-07:00
 
 
+23 # Wise woman 2017-05-18 17:40
As usual, Ryan's warped, evil brain is working overtime. Thanks, Andy, for putting it out there in pure and simple terms. As for us, the pure in heart, that's exactly what we need to clarify things so we can have our simple chuckle for the day.
 
 
+3 # PaulK 2017-05-18 21:02
Oh Andy, President Trump is just about to go overseas (not news) but while on his trip he's going to speak to an entire room of headdress-weari ng Muslims! I hope that goes well for him over in Muslimistan.
 
 
+4 # ericlipps 2017-05-19 20:34
Trump is going overseas? Please, God, keep him there. And preferably off Twitter.
 
 
+20 # James Klimaski 2017-05-19 02:26
With this Administration it is becoming more and more difficult to create satire. Reality is Trumping it.
 
 
+4 # MD426 2017-05-19 06:21
Really good one Andy!
 
 
+1 # futhark 2017-05-20 11:17
Republican politicians can only regard the foundering Trump Administration as shipboard rats would the sinking vessel that has been their home.
 

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